A controversial motion was put forward in the South Side Dáil last weekend:
‘Build a wall to keep North-Siders out of South Dublin and her surrounding areas’
Things were getting very heated. Especially between a particular few South-Sider ministers and a representative from Ballyscrambler, North-Side Dublin.
“We need to keep the North-Siders out! They’re plaguing the streets with Honda Civics and they’re bringing our image down!” argued Minister for Jaguar X-type production, India Fitzroyal.
The other ministers murmured between themselves. Suddenly a voice chirped up from row number 6.
“I agree” states Minister for Valle de Lobo condos, Jonathan Fitzomer. “Lily May was taking a bath last night while a group of fowl mouthed girls wandered around outside on our street. The window was open and she could hear every word! She’s now lost her pure blooded South-Side accent!”
The South-Side Dáil gasps with astonishment. Áine Byrne, a former Southernese language trainer in row number 3 faints.
“I can’t have a convo with her nowadays without Lily May mentioning terrible North-Sider things”.
“Just how am I supposed to raise a daughter suitable enough to marry a Leinster Rugby Academy player! Especially when she now mentions the words ‘Da Jaesus I’d love a spice bag and a coke right now for me dinner‘!”
However the North-Sider representative, ‘Joey’ made some strong arguments against the wall.
“As a member of the Ballyscrambler community, I believe that we have the basic right to freely pass through our own country. The sheer cost of a wall will impact the tax payer heavily and I believe tha-”
“Shut your gob right there you obsolute peasant!” Shouted one Saoirse Fitzyalike.
Carnage ensued with many other ministers joining in, berating the now defeated Joey.
They chanted, “Go bock to the chipper! Go bock to the chipper!”
Dáil Supreme Commander; a level headed but very dry man, Avon Stephens settled everyone down. His face expressionless.
“Stop with that highly offensive chant this instant! Don’t make fun of their natural habitat!”
However the abuse continued.
” You can’t stop us from building that wall!” shouted the Minister for Organic Avocados and Whole Brown Bread.
” The South-Sider alliance shall stand tall, bound together behind a 10 foot wall!” shouted the Minister for Giving South-Side Children Pretentious First Names.
A few moments passed and the South-Sider Dáil calmed down after their rant. The women adjusted their hair, the men re-shone their shoes and the giraffes in the last row stormed out and returned to Dublin zoo.
Suddenly as a last resort, Joey un holstered his 0 blade head shaver and proceeded to attack Sinead O’Dwyer’s head.
“Omer-god my luscious blonde hair!”
Joey than chugged a 2L bottle of coke original and knocked several Ministers out with a colossal burp.
Joey was quickly apprehended by the Dáil’s private guards.
Ex ‘Rock rugby players, Corporal Second-Row James Kelly and Rob ‘roid’ Cluskey.
When things had calmed down once more, an idea was raised that there must be a vote.
Dáil Supreme Commander Avon Stephens exclaimed, “anyone in favour of keeping defective genes out of our pure blooded South-Side society please raise your hand”.
No one raised their hand. There were many confused faces.
Dáil Supreme Commander Avon Stephens corrected himself, ” Ya like lads and girlos like raise your hand if you like want to keep North-Siders out of our like obsolutely stunning South-Side lands.”
All the hands shot up, except of course Joey, who by now was being used as a tackle bag by James and Rob.
Mr Stephens had finished the afternoon with the comment, “and the North-Siders shall pay for this wall”.