An interview with South-Side girls after Drake performance.

“Ya like the bus man couldn’t even split a fifty” ~ Sri-Lanka Byrne.

Drake is performing in the 3Arena in Dublin this week in front of many thousands of people. However, what are his fans like? I spoke to Sri-Lanka Byrne and Gigi Fitzroyal after Drake’s late-night performance on Thursday. The pair attend Loretto on the Bank.

Sri-Lanka started off by explaining to me about what she loves about Drake. “Omergod, first off, I’d like to mention that I love his self-written books…like the Bible for example. I thought ‘God’s plan’ was fontostic. I believe that Drake is a really deep power for all of us”.

It seems that the worshippers of Drake favour a uniform of green bicycle shorts. I never knew that there was such thing as ‘Tour de Drake’.

Gigi spoke up, The journey in to the 3Arena was obsolutely so poor like. She continued, First of all, after leaving Sri-Lanka’s house and on the way into the concert, the ‘Rover breaks down. . . Like what else would you expect from an old 2016 model?Sri-Lanka interrupts, Shut your gob Gigi! You know full well that the families’ main car is getting a new body job!

Gigi calms the situation. Stop it Sri, I know you’re angry right now. Don’t let the fact that you didn’t manage to get with a Leinster Academy rugger player last week ruin our night“. Sri Lanka butts in, ” Omergod there you go again Gigi! Shut up like, it’s only development squad!

Alright let’s leave this ok Sri ?, said Gigi.

The pair than went on to explain that they had further transport issues getting into the concert as Sri’s mother was “Focking smashed after having too many G and T’s while hosting a Loretto on the Bank mother’s night at their home in Donnygosh. Both Gigi and Sri-Lanka were forced to take public transport.

I said, so how was the bus ride into the concert?“. The mood changed. Both girls at the same time put down their drinks. Gigi stares into the distance of the Dublin night. They hold hands to comfort each other.

While fighting back the tears, Sri Lanka exclaims, with a single word how their bus journey was. “Commoners”. Gigi, while still staring into the distance whispers under her breath, the bus man couldn’t even split a fifty.

At this point I felt deeply sorry for the girls. Ya, I’ve never seen so many commoners, knackers, foreign people and people with weird ring tones in a single space in my life“, said Gigi, as she downed her second Boojum burrito.

Sri-Lanka finished this emotional interview. That was deffo the only time in my life when I wished I had bought a hazmat suit off Topshop.”

The girls made it safely to the concert after their treacherous journey. I’m appalled by the lack of services for these girls.

  • Sri-Lanka’s mother has since gone to rehab to fight her Gin and Tonic addiction.
  • Gigi Fitzroyal is now in counseling to help recover from her PTSD (Public Transport Southsider Disorder).
  • Sri-Lanka Byrne has since gotten pregnant with Leinster Academy rugger player and former Blackrock captain, Rob ‘Roids’ Cluskey.

Author: Irish Daily Complainer

The non serious tabloid.

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