” …this is definitely the first church controversy ever”
- It was recently discovered that a pair of nuns stole $500k from a local Christian institution. Seems ridiculous right? Read on…
- I mean, just how can two opposites, which are just as far away from each other in similarity as Devin Toner and Michael D. Higgins come together to bring us this hilarious and ironic story?
- We can make a sure and sound start by saying that this is
definitely the first church controversy ever.
- The two nuns supposedly thought they’d “stumbled into a 21st century, millennial style church collection ceremony”. HQ at our I.D.C has confirmed at present that this statement made by the nuns is absolutely true, and anyone who believes in these claims is ignorant,
ageist, racist, nun-ist and unsuspecting-old-woman-ist.
- The Pope himself has written into I.D.C HQ to state that he backs up the claims of the sisters and that while he was fundraising for a legitimate cause, he too had ‘accidentally had a gaff in the Vatican’.
- Sister Jones answered one of our many questions while being detained in the sheriff’s questioning room.
“We arrived in Las Vegas on a missionary trip to spread the good work and love of the lord. Las Vegas is a great place to worship and connect with the large religious community here. We’ve been here before to attend many services held by all priests in all the local churches.”
Contrary to belief, the place doesn’t even supply top brand Russian vodk—-……. I mean whole grain communion.”
- Our reporters and crew had to evacuate the interviewing room at the local police station after sister Mary ‘Praise-the-lord’ Jones became aggravated at our questions and suddenly produced a 12 inch machete made out of a carved cross and a bottle of blessed port while threatening to “wine-board” us.
- Sister Jones was apprehended. We did not press charges.
- It all makes sense however; large archways of beautiful buildings, lit up in amazing lights, with large congregations of god-loving-charity giving individuals playing games, while also giving to charitable causes.
- There’s simply no way possible that the nuns gambled it all away deliberately. To them, this was “an opportunity to connect with the younger generation while carrying out good Christian duties”.
- As sister Sineád Mcgrath O’Connaire Murphy Rourke Mckillicuddy O’Brien-Shea of Ballynahinch-Ragart-Killmac-On-Shannon Holy Catholic Church told one reporter.
“I back up the claims of the American sisters. They should be forgiven. I too made the mistake of stumbling into and spending my entire congregations’ funds on entertainment. It’s happened before.”
- It was later confirmed that the nuns made a clearly genuine mistake and that they should have gone to Nun-Savers™