“Ryanair on the other hand provided the option of leg amputation prior to boarding”

It was a rainy Monday morning, it was approximately 9am and the Ryanair Customer Care Centre started receiving multiple phone calls. The room was full of the sweet smell of low quality coffee. The tick and tock of the Ryanair clock commanded an authority over the multiple miserable employees who lined the office space. The office rules were cello-taped to the wall facing the main entrance. An outside observer could conclude that they treated their own like they treated their customers.

It was safe to say that Ryanair really was behind on customer satisfaction, not that anyone in the business cared anyway…..

The electronic beeps and boops of telephone lines only drained more life out of these poor souls.

Customer Care was receiving between 1000 and 5000 calls It was a massive burden on the lives for those enduring endless barrages of angry customers at warp speed.

Sure, they complained to higher management about the overwhelming numbers and poor reviews, if only they could be like the Aer Lingus Customer Care. It’s common knowledge in the airline industry that Aer Lingus is the angel, the Mecca, the masters of customer satisfaction. There was a bitter rivalry between the airlines.

Ryanair has a colossal disadvantage.

  • The fact that Aer Lingus has 3 more inches of leg space greatly shifts the balance of public affection. Ryanair on the other hand provided the option of leg amputation prior to boarding, which was included in its ‘be home for Christmas, mostly’ package.
  • Another large factor of customer satisfaction is that you don’t actually have to wait for a 40 meter long bus to transport you like tinned trout to the plane. Any unfortunate human in the standing position of this bus would be thrown about. It’s as if Ryanair deliberately hires an infant to drive.

Ever notice why the majority of people on your typical flight look a little stressed ??

It’s because of the half marathon covered in the airport terminal to get to the gate. Picture a family of four running at a self conscious little trot through terminal #2 of Lisbon airport. One can almost be sure it’s a Ryanair flight their running to. Let’s hope they’ve anticipated when the next strike is.

Once one can manage to book flights within the 5 minute cutoff, check in bags in with women who don’t speak English, run faster to the gate than Louis Walsh can say “your a star” to an angel voiced contestant, survive the bus ride without a concussion and manage to get to your seat un injured by an air hostess…..well consider yourself just as lucky as our Irish team in Italia 90′.

Aer Lingus really overall is the better airline but your just about sorted now. Enjoy the flight *. You know the quality of the airline is terrible, but it’s cheap so how else will, you get to Valle de Lobo?

*pilot not included.

• no copyright infringement is intended”

Author: Irish Daily Complainer

The non serious tabloid.

3 thoughts on “IRISH AIRLINER FUED.”

  1. O’Leary is a carnival barker…a showman …cut from the same cloth as Donald Trump. Love him or loathe him, he doesn’t care.
    I have never been on a Ryan Air flight. I don’t fly often (I am not overly fond of air travel) but I prefer the national flag carrier, in part because it is our national flag, a legacy from the better days of Ireland, the kinda Fianna Labour ethos of full state employment.
    Yes it became bloated and Ryanair nipped in in full Thatcherite mode. O’Leary is that unpleasant brand of entrep…entrep….see that’s the problem with me that I hate entrepenuers so much that I cant be bothered to learn to spell it.


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